Shattered Hearts
by starrdusts
Summary: She was shattered. But so was he. Anidala multi-chaptered, post ROTS
1. Prologue

**Shattered Hearts**

 **Prologue**

 _She was shattered_

Pieces of her heart, her sanity, her _love for me_ , was shattered by my ignorance. I was _stupid,_ so _stupid_. I let her die, I turned to the dark side for help, only to be left with a dead wife, and a child I never knew.

I was seduced by the dark side, by it's power, by the passion within _me_ that I couldn't control. It was meant to be me, I was meant to save her, to destroy the Sith, not join them. But the _power._ Oh the power.

I remember her voice. I remember how she used to sing, how she used to lull me to sleep when I had nightmares of my mother. I remember how she used to say my name, the way her lips used to curve around every syllable as though the word were fitted only for her to say.

I remember. _God_ I remember and it pains me to think about what I did to her every day.

And I hate myself for it.


	2. Chapter 1

**Chapter 1**

"Anakin," Padme whispered, her touch soft as her fingers brushed over my bare shoulder, "you're trembling, what's the matter?" Her voice was so quiet, so soft and so pained, and yet when she spoke, I trembled all over. She's so _pure_ , so good, that even the sound of her voice makes me want to kiss her all over.

I sat up in bed, pushing the covers off of me. The sheets rustled beneath me, the only sound audible in the dead quiet room. I looked down at her, she seemed sleepy as though she'd just woken up. She probably did. She rubbed her eyes with the back of her hand, pushing the sleep away. She's adorable, so small and so sweet yet so strong and beautiful all at the same time.

"Nothing," I breathed, my voice involuntarily shaky, "just... a nightmare. How's the baby? Are you feeling okay?"

Padme looked up at me, her dark eyes gleamed in the inky black darkness of the bedroom. "What about?" she mouthed, ignoring my questions, her expression falling to something more serious. I tried to avoid her eyes, I didn't want to burden her with my endless problems. Especially now that we were going to be parents.

I stayed silent.

"Ani, tell me."

Her voice was so sweet, so soft, caressing my ears in a way no one else could. All I really wanted to do was just hold her, I didn't want to tell her about my nightmares, my _visions_ I couldn't escape from.

She touched my arms, her hand soft and welcoming and gentle all at the same time. I looked over to her, touched her face to comfort her. I didn't want her to worry about me.

"It doesn't matter," I smile, "it was just a dream, nothing more."

She didn't smile back.

I lay down next to her, pulling her into my arms, holding her close to me. I could feel her warmth, her touch, the feeling of _her_ melting into me as I held her tight against my body. "Anakin," she whispered.

I stroked her hair, running my fingers through the soft strands.

"Anakin?" she said again.

"Anakin, tell me what's going on."

Silence...

...

...

...

"Ani!"

"Yes, my love?"

"Are you sure everything's okay?"

"Of course."

But it wasn't. My nightmares felt so real. But I wouldn't let them become real, I would save Padme, and the baby, at all costs.

I touched her waist, pulling her closer toward me. She looked up at me with half-lidded eyes, her lips parted and her cheeks flushed. I couldn't help but caress her cheek, feeling her soft skin against my hand. "You're so beautiful, Padme," I said.

"Anakin..." Her voice was barely audible as her lips mouthed my name.

I leant into her, pulling the covers over her bare arms. She was so cold. I kissed her, my lips met hers again and again, her lips soft against my own. I hold her waist, kissing her with so much passion I can barely control myself. She kissed me back, her lips against my lips and my body against her body and I could barely even _think_ let alone breathe and _oh my God_ this kiss.

This kiss was everything.

Her love was everything.

She was my everything and I continued to kiss her while all of these thoughts were running through my nightmare ridden head, soothing my pain, reminding me that I had her.

But not anymore.

Now I am nothing more than a slave to the dark side. A murderer. A fool. I lost Padme because of my stupidity, because I was so _determined_ to keep her alive. I was stupid, wasn't I? Allowing myself to be seduced by the power of the dark side of the force, allowing myself to destroy and shatter _my everything_.

What is wrong with me?


	3. Chapter 2

This is who I am now.

I, Darth Vader, am a shattered, broken man, a slave to the dark side, to the _power_ I now posses.

But perhaps, I am not a slave.

Perhaps, with this kind of _power_ , I'll be able to better control my passion, my hatred, my _pain_ , and make use of it. I can only become stronger with this new power I posses. I will be strong.

I am strong.

I am a Sith Lord, _Darth Vader_ , **I AM STRONG.**

I will not let my past define me. I will not let _Anakin Skywalker_ destroy who I am now.

But

 _Padme._

Perhaps _she_ will shatter me _._

"Ani," Padme said, brushing her hair and looking out over the balcony, the view was beautiful. Speeders and vehicles of all kinds were racing past our vision.

Padme looked back at me. Her eyes were gleaming with excitement as she gazed at me lovingly. Her curly hair fell so easily around her shoulders, she looked so _beautiful_.

She continued to brush her hair, her gaze shifting from me to the view of Coruscant every once in a while. Her voice was so soft, so heavenly when she spoke, "I want to have our baby back home on Naboo," she said, "We could go to the lake country where no one would know . . . where we would be safe. I could go early-and fix up the baby's room. I know the perfect spot, right by the gardens."

I couldn't help but gaze at her, at her _beauty_. I had tried to look away, but I wanted to drink in every single inch of her being while I could, who knows, someone could have found us out and we'd be torn apart.

"You are so _beautiful._ '

I said the phrase meaning every single word of it. She was. And like I said as a small child, when I first met her, she was an angel. Anyone would mistake her for one.

"It's only because I'm so in love . . ." She replies, her smile lighting up the dim balcony.

"No," I replied, "it's because I'm so in love with you."

"So love has blinded you?"

"Well, that's not exactly what I meant . . ."

"But it's probably true."

We laughed.

We hadn't laughed in a long, long time.


	4. Chapter 3

There has been a disturbance.

Not in the force, but in me.

In my _mind_ , in my _emotions_. I can't stop this feeling of hatred, this hatred I have towards myself. But why? I have accomplished so much. I have so much power, more than anyone could ever ask for. I have a growing empire at my fingertips, a world entirely of my own creation; with the Emperor's help of course.

I have so much, yet I feel so empty. If I feel anything, I feel sorrowful, disgusted with myself.

God, Padme... I should have listened to you. I should have accepted the events to come, I should have accepted the fact I would not be a Jedi Master any time soon.

 _Fear_ is what led me here; to the dark side.

I was just so scared of losing you.

It was quiet. Padme was lying beside me in bed, staring up at the ceiling, as though she was searching for something she could not find.

So I searched with her, staring up at the ceiling, our only light source coming from the city beyond this apartment.

Padme was humming a soft tune, her voice so soft you had to strain your ears to hear her; I think she assumed I couldn't hear her. I looked over beside me, to Padme, admiring how her hair was splayed across the pillow like a curtain. I stroked the soft curls, my fingers getting caught in the silky strands. Padme stopped humming, and turned over onto her side to face me. She scooted closer and nuzzled her face into my chest.

I swear my heart stopped at the feeling of her.

"Ani," she barely whispered, her voice muffled by my chest, "I am in love with you, you know that right?"

"And I you, my love," I replied, my voice a husky whisper.

She wrapped her arms around my waist, holding fast to my body as she pulled herself closer to me. I wrapped my arms around her, holding her and holding her until I was sure we were a thousand years old.

I kissed her head, my lips pressing into her hair. She looked up at me, her expression sweet but her eyes tired.

"Ani," Padme whispered, her voice quiet and sweet yet so much worry poured from her lips, "what's the matter?"

I couldn't do it.

I couldn't being myself to tell her about my nightmares.

Not yet...

Padme's fingers stroked my bare back, her touch soothing me. I held her closer to me, my arms tight around her, though I was careful not to crush her.

She nestled her face into my chest, and she continued to hum the sweet tune she had been singing moments before.

She sounded so pained, so worried, so I kept holding her close to me, reassuring her that _everything would be okay_.

But maybe it wouldn't be.

Maybe these vision will come true.

I couldn't let that happen to my Padme.

 _But I did._


End file.
